Not Campbells

I hope you all aren’t getting sick of me just yet, there are still 24 days left to hear from me…oh, that’s still a lot. Hopefully you don’t mind if I don’t have much to say in November.

Today I am supposed to tell a true funny story. I like that they had to add in the true part. Please know that all of my stories are at least 90% true. So today I thought I would tell you my most requested story.

(I apologize to all of you who have heard this story live, in person, more than once. I promise tomorrow will be better.)

What, pray tell, do you think my most popular story is? That one story that gets requested again and again, the tale that people ask me to tell to their friends and their family.

Is it bread dog? How about weight lifter guy? Maybe it’s the “think about puppies” lady? Nope. By far my most requested story is ‘Kraft Dinner Soup.’

I realized that for my international readership maybe I should explain Kraft Dinner. I know you are all thinking it sounds like the most extravagantly awesome meal you could eat, but in reality it is really just Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. I just looked it up, and it turns out that it was originally named Kraft Dinner, but changed in America to Kraft Macaroni and Cheese to target children. In the UK it is called Cheesy Pasta. If you have yet to try this orangey concoction, when made properly, it really is some kind of comfort food treat.

Alright, on with the story.

When I was in college and university I lived with my grandparents. The idea was that I was supposed to live there and help them out, but in reality it never really worked that way. As often as I volunteered my services, they insisted they didn’t need my help, and as a result we often got meals similar to this one.

One Saturday my blind grandfather decided that he wanted Kraft Dinner for lunch. Knowing I could make it in my sleep, I volunteered but Grandpa insisted that he use to make it on his mission all the time, so he would tell Grandma how to make it. So Grandma got out the pot and boiled the noodles. When the noodles were sufficiently cooked, she asked my grandpa what the next step was. “Well, you need one cup of butter and two cups of milk.” my grandpa said confidently.

I am pretty sure that there was an audible gasp that came out of my mouth. Anyone out there who has had Kraft Dinner knows that those amounts of milk and butter are about 10 times what you should add to your macaroni, however it was too late to stop them and my grandparents carried on.

Grandpa then instructed Grandma to add the “cheese.” Grandma said that it looked like too much to add for just one little box, and she had decided she would only add half of the pouch. At this point I knew I was going to have fake some illness to stop from eating this disaster. Grandma mixed everything together and put our lunch in bowls for me and Grandpa to eat. It was only then that, on top of the excess milk and butter, I realized that my grandma had also forgotten to drain the water from the noodles.

There, waiting for me was light orange macaroni soup.