A Year In The Life

I'm so sorry. I had intentions of making this post so super awesome, so super fancy, but I think I bit off more than my poor computer could chew.

So I have made some what of a playlist for you to coincide with this post, so hit play, sit back, relax and enjoy my year in review.

In the beginning of year, my friends and I came up with a motto, it was 'Change The Fate Of 2008' I have spent the past couple of days reviewing 2008, and figured I hadn't really changed the fate, but there were still so many good things that had happened this year.

I think the most important change of the year is the fact that I am now a member of a book club. Not really one to read a lot, being in a club that reads is a little strange for me. At the beginning of the summer some friends who were in the Book Club asked me if I would like to join. I thought about it for sometime and decided that I would join.

A couple of days later, my friends plopped on me, with a loud thump, a copy of 'Gone With the Wind' , a 2000 page epic novel. Although panicked by our reading choice, I soon realized that Book Club is a lot more than just reading as I have made some wonderful friends and have had a lot of fun.

Even though I have complained every week and month about the extra reading, (I am always suggesting reading magazines instead of new books, but sadly most of the people in the club love reading.) I am grateful for all of the support I have received from my literate friends.

My friends and I also hit up a few concerts this year, The Trews, Sarah Slean, and my ultimate favourite, Peter Katz (Oh. All Canadian artists. That is funny.) All of the concerts were completely different, but all fantastic. I highly recommend that you check them out if you are looking for some new music.

So it isn't on east side, and it isn't that deluxe, but my roommate and I moved to a great apartment building this June. It is the perfect size for us, super quiet and in a great location. The angels really did lead us to our wonderful house, and as much as we hated moving, it is so much better than our old house.

As some of you already know, my younger brother, Eric left for a mission to the Dominican Republic this summer. He has only been gone for a little over five months, but is doing so well. He is working hard, learning lots of Spanish and loves the people that he serves. Even though we miss him terribly, my family has really been bless by his service.

Avid readers will recognize that have had a few guys come into my life this year, which, yes was a little more than odd. Sadly they all ended the same way, not very good. But I am trying to remain positive and have faith that one day, hopefully soon (knock on wood) something will work out. But for right now, I'll be okay.

So my friends and I haven't come up with a motto for 2009 yet, but I have made some new year's resolutions, and it is my hope that 2009 is just as good, if not better than 2008. While reviewing this past year, I have realized just how blessed I have been. I have had some great experiences, placed with amazing opportunities and met some wonderful people. I have made memories that will stay with me forever.

Thanks to you for all of your love and support over the past year. I appreciate all that I receive. It is my hope that your 2009 is exactly what you imagine it to be.

Until next year.
As Always,

A Little Bit Of This, A Little Bit Of That

Okay, first things first. I found this the a couple of weeks ago and thought it was one of the funniest things I have ever seen. So when it went on clearance, I knew I couldn't not take it home with me. What do you think?

So today's post isn't really related, other than the fact that both were part of Christmas this year, but I didn't want to wait until next week to mention them.

First of all, I have talked about T. Tawny Dog a few times. Tawny or The Tawny Dog, as I call her, is my brother's Airedale Terrier that became part of our family earlier in the year.

My family wasn't really ever into pets, and we certainly never had a dog, but in the past six months we have had more fun with Tawny than any of us could have imagined. While she hasn't exactly taken the place of Eric while he is gone, she has helped to fill the void

We had a lot of fun with her at Christmas, and I think she got more presents than any of us kids. We love our grand-doggy/niece-dog!


Second topic is the new ipod I got for Christmas. I got my first ipod for my 24th birthday. For three years it has kept me more than entertained. Sure it looked a little beat up, and it doesn't exactly keep songs on it, but it has taken me through a bunch of up and downs.

But the new ipod is so crazy awesome. About half the size of my old mini, and so thin, my purple nano seems so slick and efficient. I love the new Genius feature that suggest songs I might like. And love, love, love the new new 'Shake to Shuffle'. Apparently pushing buttons in so passe.

Take a look at the difference.















Looking forward to leaving 2008. Grateful for everything I have but don't deserve.

Fingers crossed.

As Always,

Change The Fate

Alright, another year, another CD. Here are the tracks from this year long masterpiece. I am happy with the mix and with the varied emotions. It seems efficient, very to the point.

Anyways, I meant to find links to all of the songs in case you wanted to take a listen, but in reality, I was just too lazy to do that. If you want your very own copy of 'Change The Fate', just let me know and I'll get you one.

One year, fifteen songs.

Broken Heart—Motion City Soundtrack
(There's so much to say, but no words to convey.)

Getting Into You—Relient K
(I finally ironed out all of my priorities)

Human Hands—Sondre Lerche
(Checkmate, in three moves, in your heyday)

So Long—Guster
(Yes I'm blue, but from holding my breath, like I have from the start)

Fix You—Coldplay
(But if you never try you’ll never know, just what you're worth.)

These Are The Days—Peter Katz
(Maybe it’s time to pick my stuff up from the floor.)

Fading Into Obscurity—Sloan
(I’m unable to tell if I know who I am: a modest success, a shill or a sham?)

Come And Get It—The Beatles
(You’d better hurry cause it's going fast.)

You Give Me Something—James Morrison
(This could be nothing, but I'm willing to give it a try)

Too Soon—Hey Ocean
(Is it too soon to want to say it to you?)

I’m Gonna Find Another You—John Mayer
(But when my loneliness is through, I'm gonna find another you)

Fireworks—The Tragically Hip
(Isn't it amazing anything's accomplished when the little sensation gets in your way)

No Place At All—Sarah Slean
(Could it be that I am following this revelry to nowhere and to nobody?)

Gone For Good—The Shins
(I find a fatal flaw in the logic of love, and go out of my head.)

Lonely Day—Phantom Planet
(I just got here, and I already want to leave.)

Looking forward to 2009's anthology.

Keep your eyes open for hopefully an exciting post or two in the next couple of days.

As Always,

Well, There You Go

1. "People"? I ain't "people." I am a - "a shimmering, glowing star in the cinema firmament."

2. “I ordered a muffin, but I think they gave me a small planet.”

3. “Shh! I'm listening to reason.”

4. “Well, the problem is you can't fight off an army of blood-thirsty Vikings with a shenai, it's illogical”

I saw this “game” on Facebook the other day. People are suppose to see if they can guess the movie just from the quotes. Strangely, I couldn’t find quotes to all of my favourite movies, apparently they are that obscure. Come on, tens of people of have seen The Third Wheel.

See if you can figure out the movies listed above. Cheating is prohibited. You can’t just type the quote in the Google. That is lame.

So don’t worry, things have turned out okay from the other day. I realized that I can’t change others and I can’t worry about what everyone thinks of me. People are going to make, what I think, are stupid decisions. There will, sadly, be people out there that don’t like me. I just need to keep doing what I am doing and let the chips fall where they may. No more getting in the middle. No more trying to appease both sides of a fight that wasn’t even mine to begin with. I don’t get paid enough to be a mediator.

So last night was our Christmas Beverage Bash. It turned out pretty well, and in mid party, we had seventeen people. I know that doesn’t sound like a lot, but for the size of my house, it was pretty full. Jenny’s strawberry/banana/pineapple/orange slush turned out to be a big hit and I happily made all of our food using our amazing Magic Bullet. We rounded out the night with a hilarious round of MOC2008, so it really did feel like the Weekday Eves of yesteryear.

So remember the brother/sister friends we have now? Well they both graced our party with their attendance. At one point in the evening, the sister pulled me aside and asked me why I haven’t been out with her brother since the ward Christmas party. I smiled and said, “Well, because he hasn’t asked me out. Besides it has been a crazy couple of weeks, so we haven’t even run into each other anywhere.”

The sister went on to tell me that she is pretty sure that her brother likes me and would love to go out with me, he is just too shy to do anything about it. She tried all night to try and convince me that should ask him out, and wanted me to ask him out for some time this week, while he was at our party. So now I am the one pausing for thought. (Yes, you can laugh.)

From our ward Christmas party experience the brother didn’t seem too shy to do anything, in fact, he seemed quite the opposite. I never did ask out the brother at our party, it seemed kinda lame, and what with Christmas coming up, an inappropriate time to make any plans. But should I attempt something for the new year?

If the brother was interested, wouldn’t he do something? Why can’t he chase me for a while? Do I really want to wear yet another person down to date me? Will it all just end the same? Why is this so hard? Shouldn’t this be the easy part?

Any advice you have, would be appreciated.

Counting the slow hours left of work until our Christmas holidays begin. Waiting to hear from Elder Garner. Excited to see T. Tawny Dog. Still changing the fate of 2008.

As Always,

I’m Not Sure, And Other Things You Say

So today is the ever exciting office Christmas party. Everyone is in such a tizz that I am not sporting any red, festive, holiday wear. I didn’t realize that we were required to wear red today, besides I seriously don’t own anything that is red. I like to stick with my calm colour palette of blue, grey and black. They did indicate that I always looked nice, but just wished I had more colour in the wardrobe. I secretly wished they stopped wearing sweaters with cats on them.

I am pretty upset today. And no, it has nothing to do with my lack of crimson attire. I recently learned, all too well, the unfairness of being judged for the group’s actions and not individual decisions.

Not too long ago, I ended up in a group that made what I thought was a lame decision. I didn’t voice my concerns, and to avoid looking stupid and upsetting people, I went along with the group, despite my displeasure. I am now feeling the consequences of my personal decision. Both the affected parties as well as myself know I am better than this, and under normal circumstances would have not acted the way I did. But, sadly, I am still am lumped in with the group.

So, exactly should my loyalty start and stop?
Was it my responsibility to voice my displeasure, even though that would have been awkward, and possibly embarrassing?

Should I not care what other people think of me, and stand behind my stupid decision?

Should I be penalized for one stupid mistake, despite a plethora of good decisions?

So today I am mad at the group for making such a selfish and boneheaded decision, I am frustrated with the affected parties lumping me in the group, despite acknowledging they know why I made the choice I did, but mostly mad at myself for going along with the group and not making a stand when I had the chance.

Best laid plans….

At least it is Friday.

As Always,

Just For Today

There is no bigger confidence booster than a new pair of well fitting pants.

Seriously.

Even better than a fantastic new shirt, awesome pants take the cake. I already own more dress pants than anyone my age really should. But last night I couldn’t help but take advantage of an amazing Christmas sale, and scored myself two new pairs of pants for work, including new wool pants.

So despite the new snow fall, still cold temperatures and slippery roads I had to battle this morning, I am feeling pretty good. Not too bad for a Wednesday. I am hoping to keep my optimistic mood for the rest of the day.

Last night was the first, real, full night I have spent with just my roommate in quite a while. We have come to terms with the fact that we have differing schedules and we are now, sadly, able to handle nights at home, alone. But it is always fun to have a whole night without one of us dashing off to a prior engagement or a family obligation.

I think we were being to forget just how funny we are together, or finally having someone else who gets all of our inside jokes.

We are hosting a party on Sunday night. Just like the old days. Back at our old house we use to have people over all the time, but mostly on Sunday nights. Weekday Eve, as it affectionately got named, became the highlight of the week. From watching horribly cheesy movies to intense and competitive games of Celebrity, we rang in each new week with lots of food, friends, and fun.

Since our move, we have only hosted a handful of events and now spend Sunday nights watching and re-watching old episodes of our favourite TV on DVD.

Our Sunday night Beverage Bash should be a good time with all of the eggnog, hot chocolate and apple cider (if we can figure out mulling spices). We figured with all of the various holiday beverages available, there really was need to celebrate. During what is feeling like a low key Christmas season, the holiday parties we have attended have been few and far between, so I am sure everyone will be in a mood to celebrate.

Looking forward to all kinds of crazy in the next couple of days. Happy that things finally starting to look decent again. Grateful for all I have but don’t deserve.

As Always,

Important Notice

Sadly, global warming has now come to an end, and any idea of easing into winter suddenly left as colder than artic temperatures( It was only -14*C in Yellowknife this morning.) have hit us, hard. I drove to work this morning in -37*C with a wind chill close to -45*C.

Not much is meant to be efficient in this weather. Cars move slow, people move even slower. Production really has fallen. It seems like all we want to do is just spend the days cuddled up in our sweatpants.

But I guess all of this is to be expected. This really is what Canadian winters are like. We have just been spoiled the past couple of years.

Things still aren’t that great, but life has now been put in its proper perspective.

One of my friends from high school has been working in Afghanistan, for the past year, as a nurse. I get emails from her every couple of weeks and learn the realities of living in a war-torn country. Not too long ago, a co-worker of hers was killed.

My friend unknowingly helps me put my small problems in their place. I don’t need to worry about finding the perfect Christmas present, I shouldn’t complain about my hectic work day or be too concerned that I have, somehow, managed to chase off yet another guy. My life is good. I live in a safe country; I have a fantastic family and more friends than any girl really needs.

Despite the real danger that my friend is in, she always finds a way to be somewhat optimistic and upbeat. She is very devout in her religion and I admire her faith. Here is a part of her last email:

“It's sometimes hard to be truthful about how life is going here, and about the difficulties, but without coming across as feeling sorry for myself or really negative. It's hard sometimes to find the words and the mood of a letter that I want to get across.

I find discussing suicide bombers and how to avoid kidnapping very traumatic and stressful. But living here, it's the reality. I just find the constant barrage of discussion about these real threats worse then actually living with them.

And just when I feel like I've had enough, I see I ray of light and sunshine. God is good. But life isn't always.

Things here are always changing, and sometimes it's hard to deal with. But God is stable. And he will see us through. It's true that God hasn't turned his back on the people here. And he cares more then I can fathom. Deep down it's just making that choice to follow him anywhere, and for me, it's here. Anyway, ultimately, life goes on day by day, and it's just making those small choices to be influenced by other people, just doing your best, and leaving the rest for God.”

Good luck to everyone this week. Trying to stay optimistic. Praying for warmer temperatures. ‘It can’t get no worse.’

As Always,

Get On With My Lonely Life

Falling in love is not in the cards for you right now. What you need most is to relax and lay low.

I wish my horoscope would have told me this a week ago. It would have changed a whole week of confusion.

The cold, grey weather has not improved my mood. It has been forecasted that we are in for a full fledged blizzard this weekend complete with excessive amounts of snow and sub artic temperatures. I am planning on hunkering down and escaping the comfort of sweatpants for only necessary trips.

I have finished compiling my yearly CD already. It didn’t seem as difficult this year considering I had 80% of the tracks chosen by June. Only 15 tracks this year instead of the 20 as in previous years, I think the CD does a great job highlighting the ups as well as downs from 2008. I will post a track list closer to the end of the year.

Oh, maybe for the benefit of new readers I should explain our yearly CDs. Every year a group of us compile individual CDs of music that sums of what the year was. A year in review, set to music. It really does become a whole year process trying to describe events with the perfect song. We carefully set the track list and even create our own covers. Then, at the end of the year, we exchange copies of our musical year with the group. Over the years the group has grown exponentially. It is always fun in January to catch a glimpse into everyone’s soul and gain a whole host of new music. But if anything, it is somewhat of a cathartic experience and a great way to say goodbye to another year.

Just a short one today.

I’m trying to do the best that I can. Don’t worry, my mood will improve again and I’ll find a way to get back to regular-type Denise. Thanks to everyone for all of your love and support. I do appreciate you more than I acknowledge.

Thanks to God. Fingers crossed.

As Always,

Winter Blahs

I’m not that nice today. I can at least pretend to be nice for a while, but today, all bets are off.

It really hasn’t helped that today has slowly dragged on, that I feel like I am drowning in all the work I have yet to complete, that I plan on punching more than one person in the face, the fact that I am filled to the rafters with unfamiliar self doubt or that today just happens to be six months until my dreaded 28th birthday.

But let’s not wallow in self pity. No one wants to hang out with Debbie Downer. So let’s talk about some good things.

First of all, my car, my precious car, is being such a champ this winter. I have had my car for just over seven years now, and it strangely runs more efficiently in the winter than it does any other time of year. The colder the temperature outside, the happier my car is. The snow and below zero temperatures have restored my car’s power steering making my car once again able to turn on a dime, rather than a quarter or even toonie as my pre precipitation car struggled with. I know that the time is coming quickly that me and my motored friend will have to part ways. I am not looking forward to it.

Secondly, the pictures from Preference turned out fantastic! You can check them out here, here and here. I don’t really get the picture frames or the Price is Right-esque background, but they still look great.

Lastly, my Christmas shopping is finished! Hooray for me! It seemed pretty easy this year. Figured out months ago what I wanted to get everyone and bought everything before the Christmas rush. I have managed to avoid all of the dreaded Christmas chaos that I hate every year. I was too excited gave Jenny her present early, which just happened to be a new fish tank! Jenny has been talking about getting a fish since we lived in our old house. We still have yet to go to the pet store and pick out our new friends. But I think they will be the perfect addition to our house.

So please don’t think that everything is going wrong in my life. There is enough good to help sort of out weigh the bad. Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day. One can hope.

Good Luck. God, please speed.

As Always,

At The Very Least, Flattering

I might not have everything I want in life, but I do have a guardian angel. Sadly it rained/snowed last night leaving the streets a little dicey. Everyone was driving slow enough, but when the car in front of me suddenly hit a patch of ice, there was not much I could do but try to stop as quickly as I could. Inches from the other car my tires locked up and I closed my eyes, braced for impact and silently prayed, “Please stop.” Miraculously, mere centimetres from the car worth at least twice of mine, my car came to a stop.

Now we both weren’t going that fast, and had our bumpers have hit, it wouldn’t have been such a big deal, but the last thing my car needs is an inverted bumper, and I am sure my all metal car would have done more damage to the newer car.

So not exactly a parting the Red Sea miracle, but it’s still nice enough to know someone cares about me.

I know our winter driving skills will return to us, but would be horribly bad if I decided to just stay home tonight?

The weekend, like always, went by much too quickly. Friday, the Three Musketeers celebrated Mr. Gary’s birthday and Saturday started with a well deserved and needed hair cut. Saturday night brought our ward Christmas party and other strange happenings.

Now I love the entire Book Club. They really are great girls. But I wasn’t about to spend the evening sitting at an all girls’ table. I pulled Jenny to an empty table at the front of the gym and we waited to see who would fill the empty seats around us.

Nervously we waited for a while until finally a girl in our ward, and her brother sat with us. Now for all of you who remember my Preference survey, this is the same brother I was planning on going to Preference with me, before, out of the blue, I asked Internet Boyfriend.

The Brother and I had a fantastic night, sharing little jokes and flirting up a storm. Everything was looking much more than promising, until the sister got involved. Once the sister pointed out what was just beginning and made countless comments about what a great couple we would make, the once interesting evening was suddenly falling flat. While not a complete bust, the evening definitely lost momentum, and all thanks, or at least I like to think, to the sister stirring up our mix.

I realized no brother wanted his sister getting involved in his pursuits. (Yes, I am planning on remembering this lesson once Eric gets home.) I’m not sure what might have happened had the sister carried on as usual, but at least I am now aware that there are other, non-hockey watching, options out there.

Wishing I had brought something to eat today. Counting the minutes until today is over. Grateful for open windows despite closed doors. Thankful for all I have.

As Always,

I’m Not Surprised The Flames Lost

Okay. Yes. Cop-out day.

I’m sorry the choice was read more of Denise’s complaints on her single status, or answer lame questions. For both of us, I chose the questions.

Tomorrow is looking like a better day. Thanks to all of you for everything.

Where is your cell phone: In my bag, in my desk. Why do I need my cell if I have an office phone?

Your boyfriend/girlfriend: Is no longer even on the internet. What happened?

Your hair: Is in desperate need of a hair cut, has faded from its dark glory and now is somewhere between blonde and not so blonde. It is still curly and amazingly big today.

The room you're in: My closet of an office. I don’t even know if I would categorize it as room, more of an alcove.

Your fears: I have put them in order of scariness, 1. Satan 2. Michael Jackson 3. Clowns 4. The Dump

Where did you hang out last night: At our last institute class of the semester. Now what am I going to do on Wednesday nights?

What are you not good at: Not jumping to conclusions.

What are you wearing: A highly professional outfit, including sweater vest.

Your mood: melancholy

Missing: my mind

Your car: could be my best friend, although it is having some strange difficulties in this “cold” weather

Your favourite colour: blue

What is your salad dressing of choice: If Jenny has taught me anything, Three Cheese Ranch

What food could you eat everyday and not get sick of it: Cake (everyday could be cake day) and/or chocolate

What are your pizza toppings of choice: pineapples. I don’t know why you all hate them.

Which of your five senses you think is keenest: I have amazing hearing. The hearing self-test at Walmart agrees

When was the last time you had a cavity: Not too long ago. Maybe it is time to cut back on the sugar.

What colour do you think looks best on you: black, grey and if you are lucky, a teal cardigan.(Don’t you hate that word?)

Where to now: “If I had to guess, I’m afraid to say Antarctica next.”

I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Out Of My Hair And Other South Pacific Songs

There is nothin' you can name
That is anythin' like a dame!

There are no books like a dame,
And nothin' looks like a dame.
There are no drinks like a dame,
And nothin' thinks like a dame,
Nothin' acts like a dame,
Or attracts like a dame.
There ain't a thing that's wrong with any man here
That can't be cured by pullin' him near
A girly, womanly, female, feminine dame!

I recently had a long talk with a guy who after I asked, "Don't you just get tired of being single all the time?" responded with "Not really. I never think about it."

According to my friend, guys think about the following things, in the following order:

1. Sports
2. Video games
3. Friends
4. Family
5. Food
6. Girls

Only then did I realize I was going to be single for a while yet.

C'est la vie.

Please, God speed.

Haven't You Heard This Sort Of Thing Is Below Me

So the end of November kinda got away from me. Everyday I kept thinking I should find something to say, but sadly life just seemed too busy and crazy to blog about.

I can't believe we have made it to December. How is that even possible? There is no way the year can almost be over, it feels like it just started.

So avid fans will recognize that relationship limbo is nothing new in my life. With previous people I have spent months, and in some cases years in that gray, dating/not dating area. I have always prided myself on my patience and loyalty.

So why, only two weeks into my latest gray area, am I already frustrated?

Sure, there have been more hockey games, more late night chats, more compliments, more laughs but in reality, this has just served to confuse me more. Is he just a nice guy, or truly interested? And if the latter is true, what are we waiting for?

I have gotten mixed reviews when I have brought this up with various people. One camp thinks I should just walk away, but not before punching him the face for leading me on.

The other group swears this is just what guys are like these days and just to practice more patience. One day this is bound to work out.

Aren't you happy you aren't single anymore?

Anyways, sorry. This is probably not the place to sort all of this out. I made a vow that I wouldn't think about it this week. So far I'm not doing so well with that promise.

I'm having a great time in the meantime.

Crossing my fingers.

As Always,