Settle Down

You know what, it has been quite a long time since I told a story, so hands up if you want to hear one. (I'm just going to to assume you all put your hands up.)

This event happened three weeks ago, but I am still somewhat bothered by it. I know I should just let it go, that it really doesn't matter, but, well, I'll just wait and see what you think.

So I woke up a few weeks ago with an odd feeling that I should e-mail a certain friend. A debated for a while if I really should, after all were weren't that close of friends, and I was more than sure he would think that I was crazy and or creepy. But the feeling lingered, so I sat down and wrote out a small message.

"I know this is incredibly random, but I felt like I should send you a message. What is new?"

Short and sweet. I even acknowledged the oddness of the out of the blue communication.

Days went by and I received no response back from my friend. We saw each other a few times, but neither of us said anything. I will admit that I probably made the situation more awkward, but after getting no response to my letter, I didn't want to draw more attention to my random message.

Even more time went by and still nothing from my friend. I was absolutely mortified. I hadn't meant to creep out this poor guy, but somehow I felt that was exactly what had happened.

Finally, my friend was the first one to speak. One night he came charging up to me and said, "What is your problem? You sent me a weird message and then you don't talk to me. I was beginning to feel unloved!"

"You were feeling unloved!" I exclaimed. "You never wrote me back. I was convinced our friendship was over." I joked with him.

My friend got serious for a minute and quietly asked me, "Well, why did you send that message?"

I explained that I had woken up with a feeling that I should send him a message and after the thought lingered for most of the day, I decided to write to him.

"Well, I'm not depressed, if that is what you think." My friend strangely replied.

I shook my head, that idea hadn't even crossed my mind. So I shared a story with him. I told him that shortly before Leita died I had the feeling that I should call her. But I put the feeling off, after all we had just spent the whole weekend together, and I was soon leaving on holidays. I returned home from my vacation to find my friend in the hospital, and she sadly died a week later.

My friend sadly never got the chance to meet Leita, but I figured it would help him understand that I wasn't going to let another feeling like that slip away. I had learned the hard way that you never know when it was going to be your last opportunity to see/talk with someone.

With his mouth gaped open, my friend responded in horror. "You think I'm going to die!"

I feigned a smile and nervously laughed. An innocent gesture had now gotten larger than life. I quietly whispered, "Never mind" and walked away, half shaking my head.

My friend and I are nowhere near normal. On the chance that we do talk to each other it is minimal and painfully awkward. I never thought in my mind that something as simple as an e-mail would change things so much.

I know I should just move on. Maybe after some time things with my friend will return to normal. Or maybe I should just cut my losses, it's not like we were the best-est of friends. But I don't know, I am finding this sort of thing happening more and more. Okay, maybe not to the same extent, but people are seeming to be more and more creeped out by innocent gestures and questions.

I promise I am not creepy. Really. I didn't make a big scene when he didn't respond to my message. I didn't declare my undying love for him, I didn't leave a note on his car, all I did was send a friendly e-mail. I am the first to admit that is random, but then again isn't it somewhat nice to know someone is thinking about you?

Oh well. I am a little weary sending out similar messages in the future. I could end up losing all of my friends this way.

Okay. Officially putting this out of my mind now. (But still shaking my head.)

Love you guys lots and lots. (You know I'm not creepy, right?)

As Always,