Worn Out And Well Used

I am slightly concerned. With so much to do this weekend, it was only likely that I would develop some sort of sickness. I should have first clued in with the excessive amounts of tiredness earlier this week. But last night’s sore throat was my first indication that poor health would be a possibility. Now today is the beginning of the end. With an attractive head cold brewing pretty quickly, I am highly concerned about my health in regards to all the events in which I am scheduled to make appearances this weekend. But I will solider on, at least for now.

I am finally beginning to wonder about my pursuit of the males, and just thinking, maybe, just maybe, the problem isn’t with the scads of men I have chased over the years. That maybe the problem is me. Maybe all this time the universe was trying to tell me this fact, but I refused to listen.

I know you are wondering if maybe I am running a fever and what ever possessed me to think this way. But with the universe deciding to dredge up stories from my past, I have had to do a lot of story telling and explaining to fill my current friends in on all the messy details of lost loves. And sadly, I have come to the realization that all of these stories end THE EXACT SAME WAY. With me adding another notch to my story belt and another emo song to the repertoire.

At the beginning of the year we did our ever popular and funny “self actualization exercise”, in which, in a manner similar to ‘The Secret’, we released the qualities we were looking for into the universe to find us the perfect man, from our mouths to the ears of the angels. And now as the year is rapidly coming to a close, I think the angels must have lost my request. (Now, please believe me, I never pinned all my hopes that writing a list of qualities and reading them out for everyone to hear would help me find Mr. Right or even Mr. Right Now. But I thought it would never hurt to try.)

So now today, for again everyone to hear, I am making another declaration to the universe.

I give up.

Send me what you will, and what you won’t, and I will sort through all of it as it comes along. All the meanwhile remaining calm and collected not careless and concerned as in the past.

Who knows. I might just be physically sick and tired, which has caused me to make such a statement. But I am also mentally sick and tired of this “game”. The fun of it has long since gone.
Now off my active pursuit, I am looking forward to time with those people and things I have put by the wayside.

Definitely looking forward to less ups and downs.

Hoping that next year’s CD will be anything but emo.

Alright.

Thanks to God.
Good luck.