Wishing My Name Was Joe Ken

After weeks of hype and every boy I know talking about it, we finally went to see Transformers last night. And I realized something very profound. I am not a boy. Well, I guess more that boys and girls are different, especially in their movie picks.

I don’t hang out with gobs of guys. In fact usually it is the other way around, a lot of girls with one or two guys. But it seems like we are always watching boy movies. Eragon, Ninja Turtles, Spiderman….all boy movies. Check out all of my movie reviews, and I am sure that you will find at least half of them are pure boy movies. We take the boys to one truly girl movie, The Holiday, and we are still hearing about what a punishment that was, six months later. I digress.

So is Transformers a bad movie? No. And I am sure that if I had more testosterone I would have quite enjoyed it. But here is a breakdown of the pros and cons to this movie.

Pros—

1. Shia LaBeouf and Josh Duhamel—two reasons to watch any movie. The only thing that would have made it better would have been Jude Law, and maybe George Clooney. The acting wasn’t really that impeccable, but who cares when they look like that!

2. Travis—I had forgotten how much fun he really is. Why aren’t we better friends?

3. Bracken—After a good year and a half, I was finally able to meet the girl that stole Danny away from me. And from the 30 second meet and greet we had, she seemed okay.

Cons—

1. Jumpy McGee—Are you serious? So there I am at the movies, enjoying the men on the screen, making little comments here and there to Travis, and every time something transforms (which is quite often) this girl about jumps out of her skin. Sit still.

2. Wardrobe Budget—Maybe they spent so much money on the special effects that they could only afford to buy the girl half a shirt. Come on! Get some clothes on. Little kids are going to this movie.

3. Dropped Characters—What happened to the football playing boyfriend (and you are really going to break up with that guy for not letting you drive?) or the weird friend that climbed the tree. We need more driving around in your ugly car, and well less…transforming.

4. First of all, I get the Autobots…they are all cars. It makes sense, they are unified. But the Deceptacons, they are all over place. An airplane or a scorpion, not really a united front. And secondly, is turning into a giant robot really the best way to fight each other? That just seems more clumsy and awkward than just fighting as a car or an airplane.

So the movie ends with a round of applause and I just sit there thinking, when was the last time I clapped at the end of a movie? Maybe in Grade Two when we finished watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?

And as we sit there watching all of the credits, I think, how did this situation backfire, again? And I am not a boyfriend stealer, or am I? But mostly I have a deep desire to get my hands on some of those transformer toys, just to pretend it is 1987 again.

Looking forward to the My Little Pony, Care Bear and Pound Puppies movies that are sure to come out now.

PS—Brent, I am still sorry for breaking your Optimus Prime.